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The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"

"Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply.

"We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

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Garage Door

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The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

His assistant walked up to him and said,
'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.
He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you
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see my Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires..
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drives women crazy?

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Q.: What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?

A.: An empty toilet paper roll.
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your wife

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An older gentleman goes to answer a knock at the door one evening, only to find two sheriff deputy’s standing there.

“Sir, are you married?” one deputy asked.

“Why, yes I am,” the old man replied. “For over 48 years.”

“Do you have a photograph of your wife, sir?” the second deputy questioned.

The old man pulled a picture out his wallet and handed to the officers. They looked it over and handed it back to him.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”

The old man says, “I know, sir, but she’s a great cook and she does have a wonderful personality.”
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What is Jokeland.org?

Jokeland.org is an open source collection of jokes, riddles, and funny memes. See our sister site at Jokeland.ca. ALL net proceeds from these sites will be donated to the MS Society.

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