A Muslim immigrant in Toronto goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."

The doctor examines him and then says: "You need to pee and put your Bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage. Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."

The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 2 weeks later and says "I feel wonderful! What was wrong with me ?"

The doctor replied, "You were homesick.”

"Who is working over there?"

"Thirty soldiers and a corporal."

"How do you know there is one corporal?"

"He is not working."

A friend asked his neighbour, "Why do you always go to balcony when your wife starts singing?".

His neighbour replied, "So that no one would think I'm beating her."

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, 'Mommy, you are getting fat!'

I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy'

'I know,' she replied, 'but what's growing in your butt?'

When I was a child I remember my Mom telling me, 'Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please.' . When I became a young man, I learned the fallacy of that was that I could not please any of them.