2
Never break up on the prairies.
You have to watch her walking away for days.
2
Conservation officers have found over 200 dead crows near Kamloops recently, there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impac
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t with a car.

BC Ministry of Transport then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."
2
A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "why the long face?"

The horse stands there, staring blankly at the bartender. Everyone starts to feel a little awkward. The horse's handler comes in and leads it out, but not before it's knocked over a couple of glasses and soiled itself. Needless to say, the bar is closed for the rest of the day. Jesus walks up to the bar, but it's closed for hygiene reasons and he goes next door to a hotel.

He hands the receptionist a couple of nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

The receptionist takes a moment to understand, not speaki
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ng Aramaic, but is able to explain in mime that nails are not legal tender. After Jesus leaves disgruntledly, a duck that has been harassing the receptionist for the last few days by asking for grapes waddles in. The duck asks if the receptionist has any nails, and the receptionist finally snaps.Deciding to walk out on the most ludicrous workday of his life, the receptionist goes to the bar, and is infuriated to find it closed. He jimmies open a window, not caring who sees. But two old friends across the street, a priest and a rabbi, DO see. They decide they better do something to calm this agitated man down, and follow him into the bar.

The bartender, having spent all day cleaning up after the horse, sees the receptionist, the priest and the rabbi come into the bar, and stops scrubbing the floors long enough to ask "Is this some kind of a joke?"
1

A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said, 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.' "

"Holy Smokes," repl
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ied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that, she actually said... 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on Bernie Sanders's election campaign!' "
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I know a kid

HeadJoker Anti Jokes My Joke   Discuss    Add To
I know a kid named Jay, but we all call him J for short.
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Jokeland.org is an open source collection of jokes, riddles, and funny memes. See our sister site at Jokeland.ca. ALL net proceeds from these sites will be donated to the MS Society.

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