A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "why the long face?"

The horse stands there, staring blankly at the bartender. Everyone starts to feel a little awkward. The horse's handler comes in and leads it out, but not before it's knocked over a couple of glasses and soiled itself. Needless to say, the bar is closed for the rest of the day. Jesus walks up to the bar, but it's closed for hygiene reasons and he goes next door to a hotel.

He hands the receptionist a couple of nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

The receptionist takes a moment to understand, not speaki
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ng Aramaic, but is able to explain in mime that nails are not legal tender. After Jesus leaves disgruntledly, a duck that has been harassing the receptionist for the last few days by asking for grapes waddles in. The duck asks if the receptionist has any nails, and the receptionist finally snaps.Deciding to walk out on the most ludicrous workday of his life, the receptionist goes to the bar, and is infuriated to find it closed. He jimmies open a window, not caring who sees. But two old friends across the street, a priest and a rabbi, DO see. They decide they better do something to calm this agitated man down, and follow him into the bar.

The bartender, having spent all day cleaning up after the horse, sees the receptionist, the priest and the rabbi come into the bar, and stops scrubbing the floors long enough to ask "Is this some kind of a joke?"

A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said, 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.' "

"Holy Smokes," repl
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ied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that, she actually said... 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on Bernie Sanders's election campaign!' "

I know a kid

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I know a kid named Jay, but we all call him J for short.

An Englishman Joke.

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An Englishman comes home and finds his wife in bed with three men, and says "Ello!, Ello!!, Ello!!!"

So, his wife says, "Wot? Not speaking to me then?"

Biker Bar

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A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks at the biggest, meanest one in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's
house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is a fine
looking woman!"
The tough Biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are
confused, because he is one bad tough Biker, and would fight at any
The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your
grandma and she is go
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od - the best I ever had!"
The tough Biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the tough
Biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you
something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the tough Biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders
and says, "Grandpa, you're drunk....... Go home!"
What is Jokeland.org?

Jokeland.org is an open source collection of jokes, riddles, and funny memes. See our sister site at Jokeland.ca. ALL net proceeds from these sites will be donated to the MS Society.

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