6

divorce

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After divorce, most men realize that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.
4

Three friends

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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'

Artie said: ' I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader and a great family man.'

Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'

Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
-1

the plot thickens

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I'm reading a murder mystery where they bury the guy in cornstarch. I just got to the part where the plot thickens.
3

Hillbilly View

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A pretty woman, carrying a stack of boxes from a shopping spree, was walking down the street when all of a sudden a strong wind lifts her skirt. The hillbilly standing nearby just looked and smiled.

The woman snaps at him, 'Well, I can see that you're no gentleman!'

The hillbilly replies, 'And I kin see you ain't one, neither!'
5

Love

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Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing.

'Oh! Ted died last week.' the first lady replied, 'He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!'

'Oh dear! I'm very sorry,' replied her friend, 'What did you do?'

'Opened a can of peas.' she replied.
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