Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.
Acura NSX - I am impotent.
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people.
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them have a 'Vette.
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow
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the government.
Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education, and I voted for Eisenhower.
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to prematurely ejaculate.
Ford Explorer - I will not be caught dead in a mini van.
Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart).
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
Paddy says to Mick, “I'm ready for a holiday, only this year, I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago, I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago, I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."

Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?"

Paddy replies, “I tink I'll take her with me."
Mick walks into Paddy ' s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor.'

Mick says, 'Paddy, what ya doing?'

Paddy says, 'Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.'
Paddy says to Mick, 'Christmas is on a Friday this year.

Mick says, 'Let's hope it's not the 13th.'
Joe says to Paddy, 'Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife. The whole street was watching yesterday, and laughing at you.'

Paddy says, 'Well the joke's on them, because I wasn't even at home yesterday.'
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