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6

divorce

rsstacey Jokes My Joke   Discuss    Share
After divorce, most men realize that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.
5

Love

HeadJoker Jokes My Joke   Discuss    Share
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing.

'Oh! Ted died last week.' the first lady replied, 'He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!'

'Oh dear! I'm very sorry,' replied her friend, 'What did you do?'

'Opened a can of peas.' she replied.
4

my ex-wife

HeadJoker Jokes My Joke   Discuss    Share
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been
thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.
You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.

Tom got a horrified look on his face.

S
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he said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

Tom replied: “I wasn't"


4
A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember," he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared." There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle. "I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail." At this point, sever
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al of the elderly ladies of the church were blushing with embarrassment, the girls were all giggling and the boys laughing loudly. The pastor finally stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of a German-Dutch aircraft company, who made many of the planes used by the Germans during the war." "Yes, that's true," says the old pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmitts".
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