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Two terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his ass.

"If you do not mind me saying," said the second terrorist ,"that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?"

"I regret I cannot", lamented the first terrorist. "It is permanently stuck in my ass."

"I do not understand", said the other.

The first terrorist says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag with a white beard
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and top hat came boiling out. He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."

I said, "No shit?"
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An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their mobile phones.


The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty years’ service, was a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbuck’s to meet a friend for coffee. While awaiting her friend’s arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her husband a romantic text message: "If you are sleeping, send me
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your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband responded: "I'm takin' a shit. Please advise."

Almost brings a tear to my eye.


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Jokeland.org is an open source collection of jokes, riddles, and funny memes. See our sister site at Jokeland.ca. ALL net proceeds from these sites will be donated to the MS Society.

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